I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
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but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
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This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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