I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
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Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
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if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
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