What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
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I'm just crazy horny about you
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
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so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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