Texts From Last Night

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  (650): View more from California

  Get your hand out of your ass!

  (734): View more from Michigan

  how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?

  (650): View more from California

  In your belly button

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  (650): Get your hand out of your ass! (734): how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..? (650): In your belly button http://tfl.nu/hvbh
  Replies (3) Good night (887) Bad night (1151)
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  (818): View more from California

  we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....

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  (818): we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things..... http://tfl.nu/q736
  Replies (4) Good night (895) Bad night (436) Order T-Shirt
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  (567): View more from Ohio

  i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial

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  (567): i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial http://tfl.nu/1q06
  Replies (26) Good night (644) Bad night (3811) Order T-Shirt
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there

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  (515): I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there http://tfl.nu/h3ha
  Replies (38) Good night (4365) Bad night (706) Order T-Shirt
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.

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  (250): I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you. http://tfl.nu/p3o8
  Replies (15) Good night (9337) Bad night (819) Order T-Shirt
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.

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  (215): Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes. http://tfl.nu/3g0d
  Replies (4) Good night (905) Bad night (3107) Order T-Shirt
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  (231): View more from Michigan

  We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.

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  (231): We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result. http://tfl.nu/ddxt
  Replies (2) Good night (2184) Bad night (743) Order T-Shirt
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  (425): View more from Washington

  I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.

  (1-425): View more from Washington

  No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.

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  (425): I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool. (1-425): No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes. http://tfl.nu/wqbv
  Replies (2) Good night (2287) Bad night (654) Order T-Shirt
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.

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  (502): We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice. http://tfl.nu/njob
  Replies (3) Good night (2053) Bad night (477) Order T-Shirt
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.

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  (978): Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant. http://tfl.nu/4fg6
  Replies (39) Good night (920) Bad night (6359) Order T-Shirt
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs

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  (973): you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs http://tfl.nu/j1c8
  Replies (6) Good night (2388) Bad night (538) Order T-Shirt
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"

  (1+61): View more from

  I don't know if I want context or not...

  (+61): View more from Australia

  Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.

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  (+61): After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort" (1+61): I don't know if I want context or not... (+61): Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5. http://tfl.nu/jpk3
  Replies (2) Good night (619) Bad night (403)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.

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  (202): I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle. http://tfl.nu/vi8d
  Replies (3) Good night (220) Bad night (730)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.

  (605): View more from South Dakota

  Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.

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  (402): Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans. (605): Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon. http://tfl.nu/v291
  Replies (0) Good night (600) Bad night (295)
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  (828): View more from North Carolina

  Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.

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  (828): Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high. http://tfl.nu/spu2
  Replies (1) Good night (564) Bad night (165) Order T-Shirt

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