Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
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He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
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He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
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