White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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