u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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