I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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