Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
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There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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