I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize