It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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