I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
It's like God shit irony all over that family
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For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
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I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
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