And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
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Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
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We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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