hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
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Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
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And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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