Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize