If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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