When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
You can't special order awesome
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
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A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
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I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I can't turn off my feet"
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
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