Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
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the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
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