also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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