Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
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I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
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I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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