You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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