Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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