i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
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You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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