i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
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I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Boobs are out for the taking
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
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He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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