she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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