..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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