I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
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