Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize