I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
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there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
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You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
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