I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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