do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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