Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize