i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
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I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
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The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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