I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
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i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
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I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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