if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
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You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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