We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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