you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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