This dress was meant to end up on your floor
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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