Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
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But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
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Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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