its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize