Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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