I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
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I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
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Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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