That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
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As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
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We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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