"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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