i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
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between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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