I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
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I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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