This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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