We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
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I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
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Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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