You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize