Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
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